Every so often I scope prices on renting or buying townhomes closer to work. Even apartments/condos if I’m already feeling a little hopeless.
I just don’t know how I’m ever going to find a place. Neither of my partners have a job yet, and my bills eat almost half my monthly income. The rest all just seems to evaporate.
I can’t/won’t use the kitchen in this house (a combination of the severe grossness level and the fact that if I use a single pan my mom gets on me about doing ALL the dishes “to pitch in around the house” when 98% of them are hers and disgusting because she lets them sit until someone else cleans them for her), so food is expensive since we live on frozen meals, I go through 1+ tanks of gas a week thanks to my commute, and I haven’t managed to kick my nicotine addiction. It’s about the only thing that helps keep my anxiety manageable in my current living situation and I HAVE managed to cut back at least, but it still eats a good chunk of my money.
On top of this none of my clothing fits anymore so on the rare months where I have some extra money left it usually goes towards scavenging thrift stores for work clothes that kinda-fit, or an occasional splurge on some fun event to try and keep my fiancee and I from losing our shit living in this house. 5 people, plus the other girl in the unfinished basement just got a dog that cries all night and she has apparently never heard of headphones, consideration, or reasonable hours for blasting ICP (not that there actually ARE any, but 2am when I have to be up in 4 hours is some bullshit).
And then, not only do I have to try looking for places I can afford that could fit myself, my Fiancee, and my boyfriend, but I keep snakes so I’d also have to find somewhere that allows them. I knew it’d make it harder to find somewhere when I got my first snake, but I made that decision willingly and won’t give them up even if it narrows my options if we rent a place.
Add onto all of this the fact that fiancee just keeps getting more depressed over time, dysphoria is regularly kicking her ass, and there doesn’t seem to be a damn thing I can do to help aside from hug the shit out of her and continue to work my ass off to try and improve our situation.
I’ve managed to get better jobs regularly, but it still just isn’t enough. I have a real office job now that pays pretty well (especially for an entry level position with no experience), but I have student loans, a car loan, and now I commute 2+ hours a day. I work my ass off, I do my best to limit my spending (which, aside from nicotine, I’m actually very good about most of the time), I try to supplement my income by offering commissions (which gets me roughly $60/year, whoopie).
I just don’t know what else I could do, and “just keep doing what I’ve been doing” is so frustrating.